Family Relationships In Islam
by Dr. Arafat el-Ashi, Canada
Islam is a complete way of life. It considers the family
the corner stone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere
in the family on sacrifice, love, loyalty, and obedience. When
we say "family" we mean the traditional definition of it
namely husband, wife and children. Grandparents are also part
of the extended Muslim family.
It may be asked here: how does Islam organize family
relationships? To answer this we have to concentrate on:
husband wife relationship and parent children relationship. As
for husband wife relationship the following verse portrays the
right Islamic atmosphere. And among his signs is this: He
created for you spouses from yourselves that you might find
rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy.
(30-21)
The Prophet of Islam (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) also
stressed these meanings when he said: (The best among you are
those who are best to their families and I am the best of you
to my family). He once exclaimed: (it is only the evil one who
abuses them (women) and the honored one is he who honors
them). Once a man came to the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi
Wasallam) and asked: who is the person who is most worthy of
my good companionship? (The Prophet answered your mother, your
mother, your mother then your father). That is why Islam made
Paradise under the feet of mothers according to one tradition
of the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam)
If we contemplate the Quran we find that it refers to
parents children relationships in four main places. Before it
asks children to be good and loyal to their parents it
requires parents to be extremely careful in upbringing their
children. In other words it asks parents to do their duty
before asking for their rights.
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Let us contemplate the following verses of the Quran: In
the chapter called Luqman (No.31) God says: And surely We gave
Luqman wisdom saying Give thanks unto Allah; for whosoever
gives thanks, he gives thanks for his soul. And whoever
disbelieves, Allah is All-Independent, Worthy of Praise. And
when Luqman said to his son while he was exhorting him: O my
dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah. Lo! To ascribe
partners (unto Him) is a tremendous wrong. And we have
enjoined upon man to be careful of his parents, His mother
bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two
years, so give thanks to Me and to your parents, for unto Me
is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you
ascribe to Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge,
then obey them not, but deal with them nicely in the world and
follow the path of him who repents to Me. Then unto Me will be
your return, and I shall tell you of what you used to do.
The Quran then continues: O my son! Lo! Though it be but
the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a
rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it
forth. For Allah is Subtle, Aware. O my son! Establish prayer,
enjoin goodness, forbid iniquity and bear with patience
whatever may befall you. For that is the steadfast heart of
things. Turn not your cheek in scorn towards people, nor walk
the earth with pretenses, for Allah loves not each braggart
boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice for
Lo! The harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass (31:
12-19).
These verses provide Muslim parents with the way they
should bring up their children, unless they do so, they can
expect rebellion and hatred from them; but the devoted parents
have full right to what the following verses from chapter 17
enjoin. In this chapter called the Night Journey Allah says:
Your Lord has decreed that you worship non but Him, and that
(you show) kindness to parents. Should one or both of them
attain to old age with you, Say not "Fie" unto them nor
repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower
unto them the wing of submission through mercy and say: My
Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I
was little. Your Lord is best aware of what is in yourselves.
If you are righteous, then Lo! He was ever forgiving unto
those who turn unto Him. (17: 23-25).
These are the two main chapters of the Quran that decide
and clearly depict the Islamic relationship between parents
and their children. It is a relationship based as we see on
belief in Allah, and feeling that He observes all what we do
and that we are accountable to Him even in the bad breath that
we may release against our parents when we are angry. Even
this has to be controlled.
Let us remember, however, that it is only parents who do
their duty, who deserve this honorable treatment of their
children. That is why when a parent came to the Prophet (Sallallaahu
Alayhi Wasallam) and complained to him about the ingratitude
of his son, the son said: He was ungrateful to me O Messenger
of Allah, before I showed ingratitude to him. So the Prophet (Sallallaahu
Alayhi Wasallam) did not blame the son but disliked the
attitude of his parent. This is a message to all parents.
The third place in the Holy Quran that refers to
parents-children relationship is in chapter 46 called Al Ahqaf
where Allah says: And we have enjoined unto man kindness
toward parents. His mother bears him with reluctance and
delivers him with reluctance. His bearing and weaning are
thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches
forty years, he says: My Lord! Arouse me that I may give
thanks for the favour where with you have favoured me and my
parents, and I may do right acceptable unto you. And be
gracious unto me concerning my seed. I have turned unto you
repentant and Lo! I am one of Muslims.
Concerning this type of children the Quran has the
following comment: those are they from whom We accept the best
of what they do, and We overlook their evil deeds among the
owners of Paradise. This is the true promise, which they used
to be promised (in the world).
The Quran then turns to the other category of children who
are disbelievers and are as a result ungrateful to their
parents. It declares: As for him who said to his parents: Fie
upon you both! Do you threaten me that I shall be brought
forth when generations before me have passed away! While they
too cry unto Allah for help and say: Woe unto you! Believe!
Lo! The promise of Allah is true. But he said: This is nothing
but fables of the men of old.
Commenting on this attitude Allah says: Such are those whom
the Word concerning nations of Jinn and mankind which have
passed away before has effect. Lo! They are the losers. And
for each there will be degrees due to what they did; and He
may recompense them in full for their deeds! And they will not
be wronged. (46: 15-19).
The forth and last place in the Quran that refers to
parents children relationship is what is mentioned briefly in
chapter 29 that says: "We have enjoined on man kindness to
parents. And should they strive to make you join with Me that
of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto me is
your return and I shall tell you what you used to do". (29:8).
This verse refers mainly to the unbelieving parents who
still have the rights of obedience on their Muslim children
unless they ask them to rebel against Allah. In this case they
should not be obeyed, but doing good to them should continue
regardless of the difference of religion.
In conclusion since the family is the corner stone of
society, happiness and prosperity will only be achieved if
parents as well as children are committed to the guidance of
the Quran, the only guidance proved to be successful.
For in that case all will
fulfil their duties and rights in the most satisfactory manner
as we have seen earlier.
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